Long time, no update. But, in this case it's for a very good reason. We're making steady progress on the adoption, but the process has been pretty labor intensive and time consuming.
What have we been doing? Well, we've each written (not typed, hand written) a fifty page personal profile, completed a 200-page workbook on international adoption, done 12 hours of online education, and run all over town getting multiple levels of government officials to say that we have no criminal record or history of child abuse complaints. Notarized letters from employers saying we actually have jobs, from the bank saying we actually have money, from our doctors saying we're all healthy, from our vet saying that the dog has all of her shots. Phew!
Last week we started our home study visits. We love our social worker, and the conversations were actually pretty enjoyable. We have two more visits, and then she has to write up the home study. Once that's done, we have to start dealing with the US government in order to set up immigration/citizenship stuff (that's the technical term) for our child. Once that's done, I think we can say that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then we wait. How long? No one seems to know exactly; Ethiopia has been doing some funky things with court closings and adoption proceedings and orphanage closings so it's hard to say for sure. Anywhere from 12-24 months. We've heard that waiting presents it's own challenges, but at this point we're kind of looking forward to letting someone else do the work while we wait:)
So that's what we've been up to. Next Saturday we're going to a picnic for All God's Children, and we're looking forward to connecting with other families at all different stages of the adoption process. We'll try to be better with updates in the future. I'm sure we'll have more time to write once we're in the waiting phase!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Our application has been approved!
Short post today.
Thea got a call that our application has been approved!
:)
Next step - a hour long conference call next week. Here comes the real fun!
- John
Thea got a call that our application has been approved!
:)
Next step - a hour long conference call next week. Here comes the real fun!
- John
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Back on track and moving forward
So, over the past few weeks we've made some big decisions.
Primarily, we've decided to postpone any attempt at a biological child so that we can focus on our adoption. With that decided, we can now settle on All God's Children International as our agency.
We met their social worker (Renee) two weeks ago at our home. It was very kind of her to give us personal time for a one on one mini-info session at our own dinning room table.
Very funny visual. Rhys regularly interrupted us, once by requesting we all, including Renee, put Tupperware on our heads as 'hats'. Renee was a great sport. It was surreal to spend 10 minutes talking about such a big decision / process with all the adults wearing Tupperware hats.
One of our biggest questions for Renee was in regards to some political changes in Ethiopia. There had been some news that Ethiopia had made some changes to their internal policies and we had some concerns. Renee said that although some turbulence had occurred in Ethiopia, it was weeks ago and since then AGCI had not see any changes to the number of referrals that come out of the country. Lets hope it all stays that way.
Renee also brought an example of what the home study binder (not folder, binder) looks like. Yeah, this is going to be a lot of work.
After the meeting, we wrapped up some incidentals for the preliminary application. Things like getting a Dr's letter over to them about my high cholesterol. With that complete, comes the formal application, which I just finished. Took about 30 minutes. It wasn't THAT in-depth. I imagine more in-depth stuff is yet to come. We also owe them a family photo (there was some debate between Thea and I if Shea, our dog, should be in this photo), a photo of the exterior of our home and a $300 application fee.
And, thats where we're at. I have a feeling that the next few posts will have a lot to do with the paperwork process and how we're dealing with getting it all done while working and raising a 2 year old. Lets see.
- John
Primarily, we've decided to postpone any attempt at a biological child so that we can focus on our adoption. With that decided, we can now settle on All God's Children International as our agency.
We met their social worker (Renee) two weeks ago at our home. It was very kind of her to give us personal time for a one on one mini-info session at our own dinning room table.
Very funny visual. Rhys regularly interrupted us, once by requesting we all, including Renee, put Tupperware on our heads as 'hats'. Renee was a great sport. It was surreal to spend 10 minutes talking about such a big decision / process with all the adults wearing Tupperware hats.
One of our biggest questions for Renee was in regards to some political changes in Ethiopia. There had been some news that Ethiopia had made some changes to their internal policies and we had some concerns. Renee said that although some turbulence had occurred in Ethiopia, it was weeks ago and since then AGCI had not see any changes to the number of referrals that come out of the country. Lets hope it all stays that way.
Renee also brought an example of what the home study binder (not folder, binder) looks like. Yeah, this is going to be a lot of work.
After the meeting, we wrapped up some incidentals for the preliminary application. Things like getting a Dr's letter over to them about my high cholesterol. With that complete, comes the formal application, which I just finished. Took about 30 minutes. It wasn't THAT in-depth. I imagine more in-depth stuff is yet to come. We also owe them a family photo (there was some debate between Thea and I if Shea, our dog, should be in this photo), a photo of the exterior of our home and a $300 application fee.
And, thats where we're at. I have a feeling that the next few posts will have a lot to do with the paperwork process and how we're dealing with getting it all done while working and raising a 2 year old. Lets see.
- John
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Reconsidering our agency, again.
It's been quiet on the blog front for a couple of weeks. There are two reasons for that.
First, I was at a conference in Washington DC last week for work. It was a great experience (though I'm not sure that John is eager to repeat solo daddy duty -- with a croupy kid, no less -- any time in the near future) but that put adoption conversations on hold. And oh, what conversations we've been having.
That's the second reason for the lack of posts. We received some news that has us reconsidering our agency yet again.
We were feeling quite confident that we were ready to make a decision when I posed what seemed like a minor question to both agencies. "What would happen if we were to get pregnant during the adoption process?"
The answers we received put us into a momentary tailspin as we tried to determine our best path forward. Both agencies have policies about the length of time required between children's entrance into the home -- whether biological or adopted. We completely understand and agree with those guidelines. We agree that it's important for each child to have some time as the only new child, and for the family to be able to bond together and adjust to the new dynamics in the household. This is important for a biological child, but probably even more important for an adopted child who is also having to adjust to a whole new world.
The difference came with the policies regarding what actually happens to an in-process adoption if we were to become pregnant in the middle of it. With one agency, the whole thing is called off and you lose any money you've invested. They strongly believe that you should pursue only one means of expanding your family at a time. That's all well and good, except for the fact that 1) adoption is not cheap, so we're not talking about a small sum of money on the line and 2) we're not in our twenties, so putting an absolute halt to any chance of biological children (i.e., actively preventing conception) is kind of a scary thing to contemplate, even if it's just for a year or two.
The other agency's policy is more flexible. Should we become pregnant in the middle of an adoption, we'd have to pause everything. Any money that wasn't going toward specifics of the current adoption (like the application fee and the agency fee) would be applied toward an adoption in the future. Any money that was specifically for THIS adoption (like the home study fee) we'd probably have to pay again later when we re-started the process.
So now we're talking some more. This also brought up the question of whether we should just commit to only adding adopted children to our family. We do feel called to help a child or children who needs us. Are we being selfish for choosing to leave the biological option open instead of committing 100% to the adoption process? These are the things we're discussing.
In some ways, this is coming up because we're not the typical adoptive couple. Most other adoptive couples fall into one of two categories. Either they are infertile and thus pursuing adoption as their only means of having children, or they have children of their own but are past the point in their lives when they want to add further biological children to their family. We don't fit either profile. But really, if you know us, who would ever consider us normal anyway?:)
So that's the update. It's hard to make decisions when it feels like there's so much at stake.
First, I was at a conference in Washington DC last week for work. It was a great experience (though I'm not sure that John is eager to repeat solo daddy duty -- with a croupy kid, no less -- any time in the near future) but that put adoption conversations on hold. And oh, what conversations we've been having.
That's the second reason for the lack of posts. We received some news that has us reconsidering our agency yet again.
We were feeling quite confident that we were ready to make a decision when I posed what seemed like a minor question to both agencies. "What would happen if we were to get pregnant during the adoption process?"
The answers we received put us into a momentary tailspin as we tried to determine our best path forward. Both agencies have policies about the length of time required between children's entrance into the home -- whether biological or adopted. We completely understand and agree with those guidelines. We agree that it's important for each child to have some time as the only new child, and for the family to be able to bond together and adjust to the new dynamics in the household. This is important for a biological child, but probably even more important for an adopted child who is also having to adjust to a whole new world.
The difference came with the policies regarding what actually happens to an in-process adoption if we were to become pregnant in the middle of it. With one agency, the whole thing is called off and you lose any money you've invested. They strongly believe that you should pursue only one means of expanding your family at a time. That's all well and good, except for the fact that 1) adoption is not cheap, so we're not talking about a small sum of money on the line and 2) we're not in our twenties, so putting an absolute halt to any chance of biological children (i.e., actively preventing conception) is kind of a scary thing to contemplate, even if it's just for a year or two.
The other agency's policy is more flexible. Should we become pregnant in the middle of an adoption, we'd have to pause everything. Any money that wasn't going toward specifics of the current adoption (like the application fee and the agency fee) would be applied toward an adoption in the future. Any money that was specifically for THIS adoption (like the home study fee) we'd probably have to pay again later when we re-started the process.
So now we're talking some more. This also brought up the question of whether we should just commit to only adding adopted children to our family. We do feel called to help a child or children who needs us. Are we being selfish for choosing to leave the biological option open instead of committing 100% to the adoption process? These are the things we're discussing.
In some ways, this is coming up because we're not the typical adoptive couple. Most other adoptive couples fall into one of two categories. Either they are infertile and thus pursuing adoption as their only means of having children, or they have children of their own but are past the point in their lives when they want to add further biological children to their family. We don't fit either profile. But really, if you know us, who would ever consider us normal anyway?:)
So that's the update. It's hard to make decisions when it feels like there's so much at stake.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Reconsidering our agency
So, I get this email last week Thursday:
Subject: not trying to complicate things...
Thea made acquittance with another family who has adopted a child from AGC who passed along this video link
Watching it only made us even more sure we want to do this.
Up next -- the fun of getting all our stuff together. (spoiler alert - it's not fun).
Oh, and side note, we contacted AGC last week Friday and since we've exchanged a number of emails and today the massive fed-ex packet showed up. Although we're pretty sure we're going with AGC, we're still technically waiting for Bethany's packet. These facts are also helping make our final decision to go with AGC.
:)
Subject: not trying to complicate things...
..but look at this:
http://www.allgodschildren.org/adoption/ethiopia/
this is the agency that an acquaintance of one of my friends is going through. today was the first time i heard of them.
after a little digging, it turns out that a few people in our circles have used them or know someone who has. One of the biggest differences is Hanna's Hope.
Located in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia, Hannah’s Hope is a transitional home meant to provide love, shelter, safety, and medical care to orphans waiting to be placed with their forever families. Staffed with wonderful caregivers and supervisors, each child living in Hannah’s Hope receives the best care possible.
From what we understand, Bethany runs through local state run orphanages. Hannah's Hope allows All God's Children to bring orphans in and give a higher level of care than the state orphanages.
Up next -- the fun of getting all our stuff together. (spoiler alert - it's not fun).
Oh, and side note, we contacted AGC last week Friday and since we've exchanged a number of emails and today the massive fed-ex packet showed up. Although we're pretty sure we're going with AGC, we're still technically waiting for Bethany's packet. These facts are also helping make our final decision to go with AGC.
:)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Deep thoughts on Valentines Day, race
So, Thea and I had our Valentines Day on Sunday night at a local restaurant and we spent quite a bit of our evening taking about our adoption. It wasn't the whole night, but we did spend a bit of time talking about it. It was a little surreal - we're sitting there having deep philosophical discussions while the couple next to us talked at length about computer roll playing games. Really, that happened. To each his own.
Thea and I have both talked, off an on, about what it will be like to raise a child who is a minority. After a lot of time thinking about it, I still don't have my head wrapped around it. I guess it will be a work in progress - from today till the day our adopted child is an adult. Do we raise him/her as if they were just like our blonde hair blue eye Caucasian son? Do we try to prepare him/her to deal with racism - as if we're remotely qualified to do so... It's a tough question.
I think Thea made a really interesting point - when racism enters his/her life, we won't be able to relate. Neither father nor mother will be able to hold that child and look them in the eye and say "I've been there" or "I know what you are going through".
Regardless of how we end up dealing with this, I know for a fact that this process is going to be an amazing opportunity for me to grow as a person, for us to grow as husband and wife and for us to grow as a family. If (for example) Rhys decides to adopt an Ethiopian child later in life he will have a far better foundation to work from than Thea or I. Although he won't be able to tell his son/daughter "I've been there" when they experience racism, he will be able to relate better than his parents -- he will be able to say "I know what your going through".
I think this process is going to make us all better people.
Thea and I have both talked, off an on, about what it will be like to raise a child who is a minority. After a lot of time thinking about it, I still don't have my head wrapped around it. I guess it will be a work in progress - from today till the day our adopted child is an adult. Do we raise him/her as if they were just like our blonde hair blue eye Caucasian son? Do we try to prepare him/her to deal with racism - as if we're remotely qualified to do so... It's a tough question.
I think Thea made a really interesting point - when racism enters his/her life, we won't be able to relate. Neither father nor mother will be able to hold that child and look them in the eye and say "I've been there" or "I know what you are going through".
Regardless of how we end up dealing with this, I know for a fact that this process is going to be an amazing opportunity for me to grow as a person, for us to grow as husband and wife and for us to grow as a family. If (for example) Rhys decides to adopt an Ethiopian child later in life he will have a far better foundation to work from than Thea or I. Although he won't be able to tell his son/daughter "I've been there" when they experience racism, he will be able to relate better than his parents -- he will be able to say "I know what your going through".
I think this process is going to make us all better people.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Answers to a couple of questions
We've received a few questions from friends and family members about our decision. A few people have asked us if this means that we have chosen not to have any other children of our own. We do still hope and plan to add another biological child to our family. We have always planned on having 2 children and adopting a third, and as John mentioned in an earlier post we're conscious of how long an international adoption can take. We decided it would be wise to start the process earlier rather than later. And, if we're blessed with a biological child in the same time frame, we'll figure it all out:)
Others have asked why we chose to do an international adoption rather than to adopt domestically. I think there were several big reasons that led us in that direction. (John can add to this if I'm missing anything.) First, when we considered the needs of children in other countries it seemed that we would be able to provide opportunities to them that they would not otherwise have. While we are certainly experiencing rough economic times here in the US, it doesn't compare with the level of poverty in a country like Ethiopia. Also, many of the children that we might think of when we consider children in the US who could benefit from assistance are not actually available for adoption. They are still living with parents or other family members. I do believe that we are all called to help these children as well, but that help will be in a different form...not adoption. Finally, as John mentioned, when you choose to adopt domestically you do have to accept the risk of the birth mother or father choosing to rescind the adoption. That's something that I don't think I'm emotionally prepared to deal with. For all of these reasons, we feel that international adoption is the better choice for our family.
Others have asked why we chose to do an international adoption rather than to adopt domestically. I think there were several big reasons that led us in that direction. (John can add to this if I'm missing anything.) First, when we considered the needs of children in other countries it seemed that we would be able to provide opportunities to them that they would not otherwise have. While we are certainly experiencing rough economic times here in the US, it doesn't compare with the level of poverty in a country like Ethiopia. Also, many of the children that we might think of when we consider children in the US who could benefit from assistance are not actually available for adoption. They are still living with parents or other family members. I do believe that we are all called to help these children as well, but that help will be in a different form...not adoption. Finally, as John mentioned, when you choose to adopt domestically you do have to accept the risk of the birth mother or father choosing to rescind the adoption. That's something that I don't think I'm emotionally prepared to deal with. For all of these reasons, we feel that international adoption is the better choice for our family.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)